Special Forces

Gargoyle

Curse of the Komodo

Soldier of God

We Were Soldiers

 

The film premiered on Sci Fi on October 30th 2004 and should be released on DVD in December 2004.

Read Jamie's review by scrolling to the bottom of the page.

 

Five hundred years ago the Church made an unholy alliance with an evil creature, a gargoyle. The aim of the pact was to rid the country of the invading Ottoman forces. Once the objective had been achieved the church decided the gargoyle was too much of a liability and therefore it had to be destroyed.

Unfortunately the only way to kill the beast was to use the blood of Christ. With that substance in short supply the church decided that the blood of a priest, pure of heart would be a good substitute especially as priests were considered Christ's representatives on earth. The tip of a crossbow bolt was painted with the blood and the hunt was on. The gargoyle was found and shot. It fell into a conveniently located hole in the ground and was buried.

One night a body is found on the rooftops of the city, eviscerated and drained of blood. The dead man had been attempting to kidnap the American Ambassador. This brings in the FBI and as the number of bodies proliferates the police investigation gets underway in earnest. Bill Monroe plays the local policeman, Inspector Aslan, who together with two FBI agents, played by Sandra Hess and Michael Pare decide to visit Club Vlad; the local haunt of the weird, the wonderful, the young and the beautiful. The owner of Club Vlad, Lex (played by Tim) is considered a suspect as well as a source of the sort of information it will need to break the case.

Arriving at the Club the investigators find Lex's stage show coming to an end. If I tell you that this involves white-robed virgins, a scarlet-robed woman offering goblets of human blood to drink, a 15 foot live python, human sacrifice by decapitation and Tim in black leather trousers wielding swords then you will probably get an idea of why our good guy investigators react in horror. Personally I thought the stage show had certain 'outstanding' aspects!

Review by Jamie

Spoiler alert

The film starts in Romania in 1532. A woman is being chased by a gargoyle and it appears that no one can kill it. A priest cuts his hand, puts his blood on the tip of a crossbow arrow, and fires it at the gargoyle. This kills the gargoyle, but don't ask me why. The opening credits start rolling in, and our man, Tim, is billed fifth (behind people I've never heard of, but that's just me).

Now it's present day Romania, and some CIA agents are working a case. The two lead agents, Wells (female) and Griffin, are trying to get back an Ambassador's kidnapped son. The trade is money for the kid, but the deal goes bad after an earthquake hits, and a bad Romanian gets away with the cash. Agent Griffin pursues in his car, and a great car chase ensues. They crash, a foot pursuit begins, and the baddie gets away. Or does he? Agent Griffin catches up and sees a big pool of blood. It turns out the man was attacked by a gargoyle. They later find his body speared on the top of Castle Dracula.

A man named Richard is helping to repair a church because it was destroyed by the earthquake. He finds an underground tunnel that is home to a bunch of gargoyle eggs, and then he gets eaten by a full-grown one. For a few minutes we see the gargoyle attacking some people (a girl in a zoo after closing time and an obnoxious man on a Ferris wheel) who have no relevance to the story. Before the girl dies, she takes a picture of a gargoyle that is later used to help the CIA agents. One hour into the movie we see…Tim. He plays Lex the Slayer. He has long stringy hair, a black tank top, leather pants (which he looks very good in), and (not to be too dramatic, but yes) sweat does glisten on his muscular body. He magically appears in a throne type chair with a sword in each hand. Then things start getting a little kinky. Two white-robed virgins are licking his swords (no innuendo there ;) ), and he does some fancy sword work. There's a human sacrifice, the drinking of blood, and before we see what happens with Tim's snake, they conveniently cut to a commercial.

Agents Wells and Griffin have come to talk to Lex, but he thinks they are a couple who've come to have sex with him and spice up their sex life. He has a Romanian (like Russian) accent, and this is just more proof that Tim is excellent with any accent. Agent Wells tells Lex that the body found speared on Castle Dracula was disemboweled. He says that's kinky and tells her to keep talking. This scene is funny and in my opinion, he gets the best lines in the whole movie. When they ask him if he's been there, his says Castle Dracula is passé. (It went out with discotheque and biting heads off bats.) Later, Lex meets a rival gang leader on the roof. We get a brief reminder of Benny Ray when Lex pulls out a gun and a gunfight ensues. Before too much can happen, a gargoyle flies off with four people and the head of another. Lex watches this happen, and because of this, he ends up in a sanitarium. He's deranged and babbling nonsense. He giggles to himself one second and then looks like he's about to cry the next. He says the priest is responsible. (Great acting by Tim, as usual.)

The priest tells the history of the gargoyles to the agents. One priest is taken by the gargoyle and then it chases after Agent Griffin's and Ms. Durant's (his friend) car. Most of the action is played out in about the last twenty minutes. The CIA gears up for an assault on the gargoyles. The head priest is bad, and he holds Ms. Durant hostage. The earthquake has unearthed the gargoyles for rebirthing, and Durant's "blood will nourish the children of the new world order as they go forth to conquer." Baby gargoyles hatch (no oohing and aahing allowed) and attack the priest. The agents attempt to kill the babies, and it looks doubtful (where's Benny Ray when you need him) when Griffin explodes the lair and kills all the babies. One adult is left, but they get him with a crossbow. The world is rid of gargoyles once again, except for that straggler that flies across the screen at the end.